Discussion about this post

User's avatar
D. P. Snyder's avatar

Dear Santa,

Please do not come down our chimney. The previous owners of this old house blocked off the fireplace to make more wall space for God knows what. Use the door.

Second, if you leave anything in this house, dear old fellow, I will hunt you down and hurt you. At my age, I cannot give away stuff fast enough. (Is that why you do it? This Christmas thing?) I get angry at people on NextDoor who claim to want my once beloved artwork/lamps/books/curling iron/ice bag/etc. and do not come when they say they will. WT actual F? Why can't people who seek free stuff show up when they say they will? Correlation between flakiness and desiring or needing other people's shit, who knows? Why am I asking you?

The point is: DO NOT BRING ANYTHING!!! This year, Christmas will be like an Easter egg hunt for you, old man. You're taking stuff away. Here is my list:

- Take away Twitter, for obvious reasons.

- Take away my smartphone. It is not only spying on me, it is also ruining my brain for reading and writing. The only reason I'm on this website typing a note to an imaginary elf is because I haven't looked at it all day.

- Take away that Grammarly shit. It keeps trying to change my sentences into nicer, more normal ones. Fuck that.

- Take away every single pen from this house that no longer works.

- Take away the stacks of lit mags I didn't get to read that are now gathering dust on the piano. Also, take away the ones I did.

- Finally, take away the moldering doubt that makes me think real literature is written by other people, and if I ever appear to write it myself, it must have been a happy accident. You may have to open up my chest to find that one, but please, even if you have to split me open from stern to stem, please take it away.

Oh, and eat all the cookies you want.

Lots of love,

D. P.

Expand full comment
Richard Ryal's avatar

I don’t have much on my wish list. What matters to me is to say thank you for all you've done for us all this year and beyond. If we are a community instead of a bunch of random loose cannons, it we are going to matter in these turbulent times, your contribution is going to be a vital part of reasons why we can keep going, we can maybe matter to more than ourselves and a few close friends. So thank you. You successfully accomplish things most of us can’t. Every day from now until the distant future, when you look into a mirror for the first time during the day, flash a superhero smile at yourself. And don’t ever underestimate yourself. In other words, thank you.

Expand full comment
110 more comments...

No posts