Cultivating Contentment in Your Writing Life

Writer addresses the notion of "arriving" as a writer

Welcome to our weekly column offering perspectives on lit mag publishing, with contributions from readers, writers and editors around the world.

---

On Twitter (X), poet Allison Zaczynski asked, “Writers: How will you know you’ve ‘made it’?”

Without reading the other comments, I responded, “I’ve made it. I’m living a literary life, a life that I love. That’s enough.”

Later, I read the other responses, which included:

“When I’m traditionally published.”

“When my writing pays my mortgage” 

“If my novels have an impact or inspire just one person, they will be worth it.”

“When I can write full-time without having a day job.”

“When I see my book on the shelf of Waterstones.”

“Maybe never.”

“When kids start quoting me on TikTok.”

And the one that made me feel that I needed to write this essay: “There is no way to know because the goal posts move every time you succeed. It’s a nightmare!”

We’re writers because we love writing. Sure, some of us are trying to make money or launch a career or publish a book, but at the end of the day we are writers because we enjoy the work and play of writing. If we lose that joy, then we’ve lost our first love. We can’t wait until we have “arrived” at some future achievement to be happy, because we might be waiting forever. Even if we do achieve that dream, we’ll feel amazing for a week, or a couple months, or even a year—but then what? So I’d like to suggest some ways to cultivate contentment and find joy in all parts of the writing journey. I think we should stop waiting to “arrive” and realize we’re already here.

Overcoming Self-Doubt

I’ve loved writing since I was a child, and I pursued a writing-related degree in undergrad. I wrote for my jobs, first in journalism then advertising. But as my career progressed, I found myself in a management role that involved very little writing, and I had no mental or physical energy left to do creative writing on my own time. I gave up being—or even thinking of myself as—a writer for years.

In 2021, as a new mom and having left my career, I took a writing class and finally started writing again. But when it came time to start submitting my work, I was filled with self-doubt. Was my writing any good? Was I even a writer?

After months, several classes, and many rejections, I was just about to give up when I received my first acceptance. Of course, the self-doubt didn’t stop there. For a long time, whenever I’d receive a rejection I tasted that familiar bitter taste in my mouth. Unfortunately, in the life of a writer, the rejections never stop. I’ve found that the key to not allowing the feelings of self-doubt to take over is to develop a practice of gratitude.

Every morning, I spend time journaling. It helps my mental health and my writing when I get my thoughts—both the good and the bad—down on paper. Journaling is also a tool I use to help shape my thinking. When I start to think negative thoughts about myself or my writing, I combat those by journaling about my thankfulness or affirming my identity as a writer. I often write, “You are a great writer” at the end of a journaling session in which I poured out all my fears and self-doubt. From time to time, I challenge myself to make a list of 20 things I’m grateful for. I always feel like I’m going to run out of things that I’m grateful for, but I never do.

Fighting off the Green-Eyed Monster

We’ve all felt that pang of jealousy when another writer wins that writing contest or fellowship or gets that book deal. It’s so easy to compare ourselves. We see all the acceptance tweets and book deal announcements shared on social media, but we rarely see the failures, the obstacles, the hard work—everything it took for that writer to get there.

Sometimes jealousy makes logical sense, like when I feel jealous that another writer won a contest I entered, or got an acceptance from a literary magazine that keeps rejecting me. But sometimes it doesn’t make any sense at all. I felt a pang of jealousy when a friend landed an agent for her YA novel. I have never written a novel or queried an agent or written YA, and yet in the moment, I felt jealous of her big milestone.

In addition to journaling and practicing gratitude, I’ve found that talking it through helps a lot. Sometimes I need someone outside the field of writing to help me see where my thinking has turned negative and is in need of some redirection. Learning to be happy for others is an important skill for us as writers. It’s something we have to practice and keep practicing.

Don’t Forget to Have Fun

What do you love about writing? I love playing with words, trying to find the perfect word to say just what I mean or to create the perfect sound. I also find joy in experimenting with different forms and genres. It’s in this that I find the “play” part of writing.

Sometimes, we can get distracted by trying to get published or trying to finish a project or trying to write something “good” so much that we forget about what we love about writing. Whatever parts of writing you love, find ways to do more of that.

Goal Setting

Finding contentment in the journey doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t set writing goals. When done well, goal setting can help combat the feeling of the “ever-moving goal post.” When I decide on my yearly goals and write them down, I get to determine what writing success looks like for me—instead of letting someone else or even my own inconsistent feelings determine what I want.

I use the S.M.A.R.T. goals method (S.M.A.R.T. = Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-bound) to set achievable goals for myself. I try to include things I can control. For example, I set goals for how many times I will submit to literary magazines this year, instead of how many acceptance I’d like to receive.

Then—and I’m trying to get better at this because I believe it’s really important—when I reach one of my goals, I try to STOP and celebrate. Shout it from the rooftops, celebrate with a special meal, tell my writing friends. Heck, next time I reach a big goal, I’m going to throw myself a party!

It’s also helpful for me to periodically look back one year ago, three years ago, or back to when I started my writing journey and see how far I’ve come. By reminding myself of my progress, of the obstacles I’ve overcome, I give myself fuel to keep going.

Joy in Community

The writing community is a huge source of joy and gratitude for me. When I started seriously writing during the pandemic, I was the most isolated and depressed I’d ever been. Then, I started connecting with other writers. I joined a writing group. I took writing classes. I started a second writing group. I discovered the vast writing community that exists on Twitter and other social media platforms. Since then, I’ve developed many relationships, from acquaintances to close friends, through the writing community. I’ve seen the immense kindness and generosity that exists between writers. (That’s not to say that there are never issues or strife, but for the most part what I’ve experienced has been overwhelmingly positive.)

If you’re looking for more community, I recommend joining a writing group. If you can’t find one, start one. Take writing classes or workshops. Attend readings or in-person events. Be a good literary citizen on social media. You’ll find that when you’re open and kind, you’ll attract others who are too.

Finding Identity

In Atomic Habits, James Clear writes about how the key to creating lasting habits isn’t having good goals, but rather in a shift in identity. For example, if you want to create the habit of running regularly, you can sign up to run a 10K race. But what happens after you’ve completed the race? It’s more effective to begin to think of yourself as a runner. How? By taking actions that “vote” for that identity. So, by running. By joining a runners’ club and buying running gear and making running friends. The same thing is true for writers. It’s important to think of oneself as a writer, regardless of publications or awards or anything external. We should be secure in our identity as writers because we do what writers do: we write, we edit, we submit, we read, we participate in writing groups and readings, we support other writers. None of those things can ever be taken away from us because of a rejection or a literary magazine shuttering or a publication deal falling through.

It’s also important to have other core identities, other sources of self-worth, outside of being a writer. We need to value ourselves as human beings, as souls—not just for what we can do, what we can produce, what we can write—but for who we are.

My hope is that reading this essay will lead you to find contentment in your writing life right where you are. For those of you who already have, I’d love to hear from you in the comments of ways that you’ve incorporated gratitude or found joy in writing.

---