One of my favorites is a literary magazine saying "we take everything!" So you submit a story or two and get the "nope, sorry, not want we were looking for".
"Our editors prefer the Comic Sans font because they want to be sure that you read the submission guidelines. If you use any other font, they’ll know that you didn’t." LOVE it, and everything else about these guidelines!
And for all our contest. We will announce the winner two years after the contest should have been published, with a delectable excuse that the mother of the Editor in Chief had a break down, had to put their chihuahua to sleep, but there's a new contest for only $30. And the winner will receive a one year subscription to Costco.
‘We are unlikely to publish your 600,000 word treatise on the history of toenail cutting and its influence on history’
‘We’re into work that combines elements of sci-fi, horror, fairies, romance and speed-dating. We love writing that takes risks like someone doing somersaults on a Ferris wheel while eating a Big Mac.’
"‘We’re into work that combines elements of sci-fi, horror, fairies, romance and speed-dating. However we do not accept work that is sci-fi, horror, fairies, romance, or speed-dating."
One of my favorites is a literary magazine saying "we take everything!" So you submit a story or two and get the "nope, sorry, not want we were looking for".
We can’t win for losin’, it would appear!
Bravo, comic genius, but it evokes the old Hungarian expression "I'm crying with one eye, while laughing with the other"
"Our editors prefer the Comic Sans font because they want to be sure that you read the submission guidelines. If you use any other font, they’ll know that you didn’t." LOVE it, and everything else about these guidelines!
Spot on.
So much more fun than wading through the real ones. Thanks for the laugh.
Thank I need this humor today. Submission guidelines are tough.
"Please send all submissions to writingdoesntpay@writingdoesntpay.com."
"We couldn’t do this without you."
Haha! 😅
Needed this delightfully skewering post today. ;D
Might send a submission— I’ve tried everything else. Couldn’t hurt.
Haha! 😅 Just be sure to submit using Comic Sans. ;D
We prefer Traveler's Checks and Mallow Cup money. We're trying to get a really good prize.
LOL! :DD
And for all our contest. We will announce the winner two years after the contest should have been published, with a delectable excuse that the mother of the Editor in Chief had a break down, had to put their chihuahua to sleep, but there's a new contest for only $30. And the winner will receive a one year subscription to Costco.
We will also promise to spell your name wrong in the announcement.
👍
OMG, thank you for this!
From their About section
‘We are unlikely to publish your 600,000 word treatise on the history of toenail cutting and its influence on history’
‘We’re into work that combines elements of sci-fi, horror, fairies, romance and speed-dating. We love writing that takes risks like someone doing somersaults on a Ferris wheel while eating a Big Mac.’
Or:
"‘We’re into work that combines elements of sci-fi, horror, fairies, romance and speed-dating. However we do not accept work that is sci-fi, horror, fairies, romance, or speed-dating."
👍
OMG YES. Like, why are the ghosts haunting people??? HAAHHAH. And the cheese.
I have my ten year old Diary of a Wimpy Kid fan to thank for the inspiration of the cheese part.
My experience exactly. Loved this.
Brava! Hysterical. I especially like the link to other time zones, poetry like Mary Oliver, and what our vibe is like. Great essay, Lori!
So creative and fun to read. Thank you. George Carlin backwards.
Kathy Wedl
Ha! Printing out and posting to my office door.